Operation Fornication
by redonyellow
Summary: The Doctor plans to repopulate the universe with TimeLords by having sex with as many people as possible. Unaware of the Doctor's plan, Rose has sex with the Doctor and becomes the mother of his child. To make up for tricking Rose, the Doctor supports Rose's budding career as a pornstar, taking her to her shoot a sex scene with a Weeping Angel and a Dalek.
1. Chapter 1

A tear ran down the Doctor's cheek, and he sobbed miserably.

"What's wrong?" asked Captain Jack.

"I'm the only Timelord in the universe. It makes me so sad." The Doctor blew into his handkerchief.

"Doctor, I'm tired of hearing you complain about being the only Timelord in the universe. If you don't want to be alone anymore, why don't you do something about it?"

The Doctor looked at Jack curiously.

"You are an endangered species, Doctor. It's your _duty_ to increase the population. If Timelords die, it's your fault for not spreading your seed!"

The Doctor crumpled his tissue in his hand and thought about what Jack had said. He was right. If he had some children, he couldn't call himself the last Timelord anymore. He nodded, wiped his eyes and told Jack, "You're right. You're absolutely right, but I haven't had much luck with women. I've had so many companions over the years, and I couldn't fuck even one of them. I even slept in the same bed with Martha, without anything happening. I'd be lucky if I could get a woman to sleep with me, much less have my child."

"You're lucky that I'm your friend," Captain Jack said. "It's not right that I'm younger than you but have slept with more people than you have. I will teach you all I know. With my skills, you will have your seed scattered in every galaxy. Timelords will be more numerous than the stars in the sky."

The Doctor nodded. The biblical reference seemed to solidify the importance of their mission.

"But until then," Jack continued, "until I can teach you about the mysteries of the art of seduction, we need to start today."  
"Why the rush?" the Doctor asked.

"There's no time like the present," Jack said. "Now, who do you think you can fuck with your lack of skill?"

The Doctor thought about his previous companions. Donna was too old to be a mother. Martha would make a great mother as she was intelligent, but because she was intelligent, she wouldn't fall for his shit. Rose! Rose would be the perfect one. She was currently dating the part human Doctor. He could pretend to be him. Plus, her heavy makeup and black eyeliner reminded him pornstar and that turned him on.

#

"Oh, Doctor!" Rose cried as she threw her arms around him, mistaking him for the hybrid. "You dumped me, and I thought you were never coming back. What made you change your mind?"

"Enough talking." He grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her head down, so that it was titled towards his. They locked in a passionate kiss.

"Oh, Doctor," Rose moaned. The Hybrid Doctor and she had been on a break for six months, and Rose was thankful that she finally could have some cock. While still kissing the Doctor, he began to unbuckle his belt and slipped out of his pants. In a fury, he pulled Rose's dress over her head. She wasn't wearing knickers. Since the Doctor felt a need for expediency, this pleased him.

Rose was standing completely naked, caressing every inch of the Doctor's body. At this point, the Doctor was naked as well, save his underwear. He took it off, and threw it across the room.

Rose's eyes bugged out of her head.

"Oh. god. shit. What the fuck, Doctor? What the actual fuck?!"

Rose stared at the Doctor's crotch with her mouth open—in shock, not in lust for fellatio.

"You have two dicks!" Rose was pointing to his crotch now.

The Doctor shrugged. "Two lungs, two hearts, two dicks, is it really that peculiar? I guess the human-Timelord didn't have two cocks then."

After Rose overcame her shock, she began to chuckle. "But why, are they so small though? I mean they are like bloody cocktail sausages. What's the point of having two dicks if you need a magnifying glass to see them—"

Rose couldn't continue her thought because she was overcome with laughter. The Doctor's face was red with fury. He would not be mocked this way. He grabbed Rose, spun her around, and bent her over the control panel of the TARDIS. He started fucking her at a frenzied pace. However, Rose was still laughing.

"Is that a tampon?" Rose giggled a bit, her face rubbing up and down against the panel. Rose was silent for a few moments. Then, her next words were a low and slow, "Oh...my…god. Oh, gooooood. That is the biggest fucking cock. Jesus Christ!"

The Doctor smirked, "Bigger on the inside."

Rose reached behind her, grabbed the Doctor's second cock that wasn't inside of her and began to wank it furiously.

As the two began to climb into the upper regions of ecstasy, the Doctor remembered his mission.

"Rose, are you on birth control?"

"Yes, yes, yeeeeess!" Rose screamed.

"Is that a yes to my question or an exclamatory declaration?"

"I'm on a IUD," Rose spat angrily, "Goddamit Doctor, shut the fuck up and fuck me harder with those cocks!"

Without a word, the Doctor grabbed his screwdriver and pointed it at Rose's back. That should do it. He felt like a complete tool, but it was to save his species. Yes, he was making Rose a mother against her will, but it was for the greater good.

After he and Rose came, they collapsed naked on the TARDIS'S floor and were silent for ages. The Doctor considered sneaking off without telling Rose that she was going to be pregnant, but he thought against it, and confessed. Rose slapped his face.

"It's for the greater good. I will bring about a new generation of Timelords. Think about it Rose, you will be part of the repopulation of my species."

"But you'll be the dad of all of those little shits! You plan to repopulate your species through incest?!" Rose shouted.

"Fuck." The Doctor said. He hadn't thought of that.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," The Doctor told Rose with tears flowing down his face. He was crying and masturbating, each of his hands holding one of his dicks.

"You're always saying that, Doctor, but it doesn't mean much as you're always doing things that make you apologize," Rose replied, "and you just had sex. What are you crying and wanking for?"

"When I'm alone in the TARDIS, I often have a crank. It helps to take the pain away of all the bad things I've done, but this may be the worst thing I've done yet. I made you pregnant, Rose, against your will!"

"You don't know if I'm pregnant yet, Doctor."

The Doctor waved his screwdriver in front of Rose and then read its reading. "You're pregnant," he said simply.

"That's bullshit," Rose said, "You can't tell if I'm pregnant that quickly. I don't even think a woman can get pregnant that quickly."

"Time and relative dimensions," the Doctor said. "The screwdriver can tell that you're pregnant even before you are."

"Still bullshit," Rose said.

"I know, but this screwdriver seems capable of doing anything, isn't it?"

"If that's true," Rose said, perturbed, "I want you to use the screwdriver to kill the sperm that you put in side me."

The Doctor looked at Rose appalled. "Kill the sperm?" he gasped, "Why, I couldn't do that, Rose. I could never kill Timelord sperm!"

Rose looked at him dryly, "So you're saying that your sperm have more rights than I do."

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, considering that my sperm is that of an endangered species…"

"If you don't kill the sperm, I'm going to get an abortion," Rose threatened.

"Try that, and I'll drop you in a region of time or space where that will be impossible."

With that, Rose huffed and stormed out of the TARDIS. The Doctor called out after her, "Don't be like that, Rose. This isn't a bad thing. Imagine, in nine months, you'll have a mini me to be with you for the rest of your life!"

Rose ignored his last comment and shouted to him as she left, "If I'm keeping this baby, you're paying me child support, Doctor!"

Now that Rose was gone, the Doctor decided that he should call Jack over at Torchwood to give him an update.

"Hey, Jack," the Doctor said, looking at Jack on the screen. Gwen and Ianto were behind him. "I just thought of a flaw in your plan. I can't repopulate the universe with Timelords because I would be the father of all of them, and if they reproduced with each other, that would be incest." The Doctor slapped his forehead, "I can't believe we didn't think of that before, Jack."

Jack didn't reply immediately but had a serious look on his face.

"I know Doctor. I know," Jack said seriously, "I told you that because it was the fastest way I could think of to get you to have sex with Rose. Doctor we don't have much time."

The Doctor wrinkled his face in confusion, "I don't understand why you wanted me to have sex with Rose?"

Jack put his hands on his hips and said, "Doctor, have you heard of Rule 34?"

The Doctor nodded his head, "Rule 34, it is a fundamental law of the universe. It's says that that there is porn for every conceivable subject."

"Right Doctor," Jack said, "this law is what keeps the fabric of our universe together; however, Ianto discovered strange fluctuations in the space time continuum. We have determined that you are the source of these fluctuations. Doctor, your thousands of years of celibacy has created a porn deficit that has affected the entire universe."

"You mean…" the Doctor said shocked.

"That's right. Your lack of sexual activity has in fact broken Rule 34. If you don't have more sexual exploits and either film them or write them down, therefore supporting Rule 34, the threads of the space time will continue to unravel."

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair, "How much time does the universe have?"

Ianto interjected while clacking on his keyboard. "We filmed your encounter with Rose and uploaded it on the internet. Already the levels are significantly more stable, but you need to have sex again in order for us to be in a margin of safety."

The Doctor scruffled his hair and asked himself, "Now only who do I have sex with?"

"Oh my god," Gwen shrieked, "You're a thousands of years old and have traveled all of time and space, and you can't think of a person to have sex with?"

"Your 'oh my god' reminds me of someone I know," The doctor pondered. "You know, Jack, Ianto, the way you are recording my sexual adventures is just like how a friend of mine's companion recorded his detective cases…I think I know who I will seduce next. Goodbye Jack! I'll to my best and work fast to save the world. Well, not too fast. I do have my reputation to consider."

The Doctor whirled dials and pulled levers on his TARDIS sending it through space and time to 221 B Baker's Street.


	3. Chapter 3

"Knock knock," the Doctor said at the door of 221 B.

"Who's there?" Sherlock asked from the other side of the door.

"A damn good shag," the Doctor said in reply.

"I'm sorry to inform you that sexual solicitation is illegal," Sherlock said dryly, "and I do not require the services of a prostitute."

The Doctor could hear Sherlock walking away from the door.

"Oh, come on, Sherlock. Open the door," rhe Doctor pleaded, "The screwdriver doesn't work on wood-this kind anyway."

Silence.

"Come on. Let me in, Sherlock, and I'll screw your driver," the Doctor said in his sexiest voice.

More silence.

"Are you getting aroused, Sherlock?" the Doctor asked.

"Leave now, and I won't phone the police." Sherlock said with irritation, "Really, some of my fans are intolerable."

"But you _know_ me, Sherlock! Damn, I guess the timeline is scrambled again. You haven't met me yet. I'm coming inside."

Sherlock was sitting in a chair, sipping his tea, and reading a newspaper. He looked up, curious to see how the insolent man outside planned to get inside. Then he heard the wheezing sound of the TARDIS as it materialized inside. Sherlock jumped up amazed. He looked flabbergasted as the Doctor popped out of the box. Sherlock opened his mouth to suggest his first theory on how the Doctor got in, but before he could say a word, the Doctor said, "Before that marvelous brain of yours starts churning out theories, I will let you know that I'm an alien."

Sherlock frowned suspiciously, "An alien, as from outer space, I presume you mean, not from another country."

"I am from the planet Gallifrey. We call ourselves the Timelords."

Sherlock raised his eyebrow, "Timelords? Don't you think that sounds rather ostentatious?"

"You won't think that after you see the way we fuck. One night with me, and you will see that the title of 'Lord' is well deserved. Come with me, Sherlock. Step into my TARDIS."

Sherlock cupped his chin, considering the Doctor's offer. Right now he was busy working on a case. A man in Brighton had died of a tic tac overdose, and this mystery had all of his attention. On the other hand, John had been spending an exorbitant amount of his time romping around with his girlfriends, neglecting Sherlock. If Sherlock told John that had an affair with a suave Casanova from outerspace, he would tingle with jealousy and would want to prove that he was a better lover.

"I'm not sure," Sherlock began.

The Doctor interrupted, "Sherlock, are you really going to give up the opportunity to have sex with an extraterrestrial It would be a crime to science!"

This was all that Sherlock needed. He jumped off the couch and whizzed passed the Doctor into the TARDIS. The Doctor grabbed Sherlock's scarf that hanging on the hook on the wall and dashed into the TARDIS behind him.

Once inside the TARDIS, Sherlock wasted no time pealing off his shirt and slacks, while the Doctor turned knobs and pushed buttons, sending the TARDIS into the depths of space. Now that the TARDIS was floating among the stars, the Doctor took off his clothes as well, and then hopped up on the control panel.

Sherlock approached the Doctor in a slow and seductive manner, but the Doctor wasn't the mood for a leisurely fuck. He looped Sherlock's scarf around his neck and pulled him close to him, so that he could kiss him with virile fury.

Meanwhile, Torchwood was filming the whole thing, using the surveillance systems in the TARDIS, and was livestreaming it to the internet. Molly was in her laboratory, watching the scene on her laptop and rubbing her clit in earnest.

The Doctor skipped to the TARDIS's door and flung it open, revealing the sea of stars.

"Sherlock!" the Doctor shouted, as he jumped backwards out of the blue box. The Doctor floated naked in among the stars, doing flips and summersaults. Sherlock's face brightened, and he dove out of the TARDIS as well. He floated to the Doctor and grabbed the scarf that the Doctor still had and used it to pull himself to the Doctor. The two wrapped their arms around each other and began to make out again.

Having sex in an anti-gravity environment proved bit difficult, but the Doctor and Sherlock had fun trying (and Molly had fun watching). Sherlock discovered that an individual could have sex in even more positions in space than on earth. He decided to write a journal on the matter when he got home and was pleased that he was furthering the knowledge of science.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. The two men climaxed, sending their sperm drifting away into space, and the pair had to return to the TARDIS. The Doctor returned Sherlock to his home on 22B told him not to worry about the "day of his fall" because the Doctor would be there with his TARDIS to rescue him. Sherlock didn't understood what he meant, but the Doctor told him that he would when the time came. The Doctor waved goodbye to Sherlock, and left the Detective's residence.

The Doctor sighed. Now it was time to check on Rose and his kid. He could go to her at the 9 month mark of her pregnancy so he could be there at the birth of his child, but he thought against that. If he was there, Rose would nag him to change diapers and feed it, and he wanted none of that. He decided to drop by when the kid was five and give it a ride on the TARDIS. Maybe, he would take it to Disney or the zoo.

The Doctor planted his TARDIS in Rose's flat. He found her sitting at her vanity, applying copious amounts of eyeliner. The mere sight of those raccoon eyes gave him two hard-ons. He walked over to her and threw a wad of cash on the table, among her make up and jewelry.

"What's this for?" Rose asked, stopping the application of her make-up.

"Child support for about 5 years," the Doctor replied, "it should be about right yeah? So where is junior?"

"Hell, if I know," Rose said, as she slipped the bills in her bra.

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

"You forced me to give birth, yes, but that doesn't mean that I have to raise it. I gave it away up for adoption as soon as it was born."

The Doctor, unable to form words, stomped indignantly.

Rose rolled her eyes and said, "Wot, Doctor, wot?! You can't force a woman to have a child, Doctor!"

"But, you can't just give a Timelord child away! A Timelord needs special rearing, special care-"

"If you felt that way," Rose cut the Doctor off, putting her mascara on now, "you should have taken a role in its life, instead of popping in five years later."

"It! You keep calling it 'it.' Is my child a male or a female?"

"Fuck if I know. Fuck if I care."

The Doctor began to fidget with his glasses because he was frustrated, "I suppose you don't know where it is either, then."

"I hope that your child also has your powers of deduction," Rose said. "I don't understand why you are so upset. You never wanted to take care of a child anyway, and this absolves you of all responsibility."

The Doctor's brow furrowed pensively for a moment. Rose thought that only hundreds of years of painful of experiences could have etched those lines in his frown. At that time, Rose began to feel a bit guilty. Losing his child would just be another traumatic experience that the Doctor would have to live with in his long life.

Then the Doctor beamed, "Yeah, you're right! I didn't think of it that way!" He clapped his hands and cackled. "Hey, Rose, fancy a quickie? It would be a shame if my hard-ons went to waste."

"You know, Doctor," Rose said coolly, putting her make-up away, "my encounter with you did teach me something. My body is valuable, precious. I shouldn't just be giving it away."

The Doctor's face fell, "Does that you mean you are saving yourself for marriage?"

Rose recoiled, "What?! No! It just means that I'm not letting men take the pleasures of my body without any expense. You see, after you left, I got into porn and became successful. Very successful indeed." Rose motioned toward the window. The Doctor saw a Bentley in Rose's driveway. "I became the most popular porn star in the UK and then Europe, one bj at a time-or sometimes two or three. Right now, I am one of the richest sex workers in Europe."

Tears formed in the Doctor's eyes and he touched Rose's cheek with pride, "I told you, you can be anything if you just put your mind to it."

Rose nodded, "And now that you come back to my house, and I've told you this, I can finally move to a mansion I've been meaning to purchase. I didn't want you wandering around looking for my address. And, now, so long, Doctor. I have a shoot in Germany that I need to fly to."

The Doctor smiled, "Goodbye, Rose Tyler."


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor had just left Rose Tyler alone in her flat only to return again.

"Where are my manners?" he said. "The least I can do is give you a lift to your porn shoot in Germany."

Rose smiled, "That's very kind of you, Doctor."

The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS for her and she stepped inside.

At the set where the pornographic film was being made, the cameramen were busily setting the lights and camera's up. Rose walked into the room as if she owned the place.

"When will we be ready to go?" she asked the director.

"In about ten," he said. "You're partner has just arrived." The director motioned to the corner of the room. Standing there was a statue of an angel.

The Doctor gasped in fear and shouted, "Get back. Everyone get back! That is a Weeping Angel!"

"We know. We know," the director said, "He will be doing a scene with Rose today."

"Rose!" the Doctor said, "I told you stories about these things. I told you how dangerous they were. You might as well be shooting a sex scene with a cobra!"

"I know it's dangerous, Doctor, but most of our viewers have a kink for seeing women do dangerous sex acts. That's where the big money is. Besides, I've done this before, and it's not all that dangerous. Even Weeping Angels have needs. It's not going to kill me when I'm rocking is entire world, is it. And it very well can't have sex with me again if I am dead. So the risk is marginal, isn't it?"

The Doctor licked his lips as the shooting of the scene began. Rose took off her clothes and approached the statue. It had a fearsome look on its face and showed its sharp teeth.

"That gets our viewers excited," the director explained, "a beauty taming the beast."

Then the lights went out and back on again. The robe the angel was wearing was now off, leaving it completely nude. However, the angel still had an aggressive look on its face. Rose got to her knees and began to rub her hand up and down the flaccid statue-cock. Then she stuck out her tongue and gave it a lick or two. The lights went off and on again. The Weeping Angel had a semi. Rose began to rub the statue's cock more quickly now, moaning as she did so.

The lights went off and on again. The Weeping Angel had a raging hard-on now. Rose Tyler enveloped the Weeping Angels cock with her mouth and began to bob her head up and down. The camera zoomed on the Weeping Angel's face. Its mouth was frozen into an "O" shape and its eyes were closed.

Rose withdrew her mouth from the Angel's cock.

"Do it!" Rose cried, "I want that stone cold dick inside me. I want to ride your angel cock!"

The lights went off and on again. The Angel was on its back on the floor with a look of contentment frozen on its face. Rose eased herself carefully down on the statue's penis, and began to ride it slowly. Rose moaned very loudly as she humped the statue.

The lights went off, but they did not turn on again this time. This irritated the Doctor as now he couldn't see anything, and, by the sound of things, they were just getting good. Rose was screaming in sexual pleasure, and the Weeping Angel was making deep guttural growls. It too was having a good time.

"Turn the lights back on," the Doctor told the director.

"If I did that, the angel would stop its fucking," the director replied.

"But if we can't see anything, what good is this porn scene?"

"Our cameras have night vision," the director explained. "You can watch the whole thing once it's released."

"Oh, oh, ooooooh!" Rose screamed. The Doctor took it that she just had an orgasm. A few seconds later, the Weeping Angel released a similar cry.

"Lights!" the director said.

When the lights came back on, the Weeping Angel had its clothes back on and its hands were covering its face. Rose was on her knees with her mouth open. The camera zoomed in to show a pool of cum in her mouth. Rose closed her mouth and then spit it to the floor. The cum had turned into a ball of concrete.

"And that's a wrap!" the director said.


	5. Chapter 5

After sending Rose Tyler a last farewell, the Doctor retreated to his TARDIS. He was just about to start the ship and return to the stars when he received a message from Captain Jack.

"Doctor, I'm afraid I have bad news," Jack said. "The universe is returning to its state of flux. We need more pornography from you in order to stabilize it."

The Doctor put his hand to his brow. Oh, the burdens a Timelord must bear… He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard a familiar sound outside the door.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

The Doctor threw the TARDIS's door open and saw two Daleks cornering Rose, the director whose name was Bob, and the weeping angel.

"Stay away from them!" the Doctor commanded.

"Doctor," a Dalek said, "we have gotten word of your pornographic pursuits and have come to put an end to it!"

The Doctor looked utterly confused, "But why? Why do you care?"

"The Kaleds, the ancestors to the Dalek race," the Dalek explained, "had a government was ruled by the church. The church banned pornography, and we have upheld that tradition. If you continue your debauchery, Doctor, you will encourage this deplorable behavior throughout the universe. We will purge this room of its wickedness."

The Daleks turned to the Weeping Angel.

"Judgment!" the Daleks cried simultaneously before they fired their egg beaters and turned the Weeping Angel into a pile of dust.

"Stop this!" the Doctor said. "You're not really breaking up our fun because porn's dirty. You're doing it because you're jealous. You're jealous that's one thing that the human race can do that you can't, as you have no sexual organs."  
"Nonsense!" a Dalek said, "Humans aren't superior because they have sex. The Daleks are the ultimate conquers!"

The Doctor scoffed, "You don't know what conquest is until you've experienced sex. To be in complete control of what another person feels and experiences, to have their pleasure at your mercy, their orgasm at your discretion—THAT is the ultimate form of conquest, the conquest of an individual's body and soul.

The Daleks turned to each other and considered the Doctor's words. Although the Doctor's orgies went against their principles as Dalek's they couldn't entertain the idea of the Doctor having any sort of advantage over them, including sex, and they were especially curious to try this new form of power that the Doctor spoke off.

"Copulate! Co-pu-late!" the Daleks chanted. The Doctor and Rose exchanged glances, and then they took off their clothes.

Rose turned to the director and said, "This is the first sex scene of its kind, so I'm getting paid double for this."

Bob nodded, "Fine, but I'm not paying you for this, Doctor."

"Just as well," the Doctor said, now slipping out of his shorts and socks, "this is my gift to the universe." Now, out of his underwear, his cocks sprang to action.

"How is this going to work?" asked the director, "They really are bulky machines. Perhaps if we put it on the floor so it's whisk is pointing up, and then if you sat on its whisk, Rose?"

"That's a gun!" Rose Tyler said, "you want me to fuck a Dalek's gun? What if it goes off?"

"Give your word that you won't kill her while she fucks you, Mr. Dalek," the director said. The Dalek gave his word. Rose demanded that her pay be quadrupled.

After the crew executed their orders, Rose straddled herself on the Dalek's whisk. Nothing happened.

"I think you're missing the point of this," Rose said. "You're supposed to get me off and control my pleasure."

"But I don't know how to please a woman," the Dalek said.

"Perhaps if you whirled that egg beater of yours around," Rose suggested. At this, the Dalek put its egg beater at full speed, Rose screamed in horror.

"Start out slow, yah, dunce!"

The Dalek tried again, slowly this time.

While this had been going on, the Doctor had coaxed the second to leave its metal shell. The two were sitting on the floor, together now.

"Here," the Doctor instructed the Dalek, "wrap your tentacles around my testicles and my two cocks as well."

The Dalek did as it was told. The Doctor found that the Dalek had tiny suction cups on its tentacles that gave the most pleasant sensation on his cock. The Dalek's tentacles felt better than Rose's throat and better than Rose's vag. The Doctor's eyes fluttered closed. For this, he could put his beef with the Daleks to rest.

"Yes, oh, yes," he said. Then he grabbed the Dalek's head and pulled it forward as a reflex because, at this point he was usually grabbing Rose's hair and using it to bob her head up and down faster. When felt the Dalek's lumpy head, he felt disgusted at first, but those feelings quickly subsided as the Dalek's tentacles worked him into a state of ecstasy.

Rose's Dalek wasn't working wonders for her as the Doctor's was doing for him. After all, Rose was essentially fucking a machine, while the Doctor was having sex with a creature made of flesh and blood. However, Rose was a porn star, so she had to put a show on for the camera. She faked that she was approaching an orgasm, while the camera zoomed in on her.

Rose started to get distracted when she heard the Doctor moaning across the room, "Please, please go faster."  
"No," the Dalek said in reply.

"Please, let me cum!" the Doctor begged.

"You will cum when I say you will," the Dalek said. "You may have defeated the Daleks time and time again but tonight, Doctor, you're my little bitch."  
"Ahhhhhh," the Doctor cried in desperation.

"Now, Doctor!" the Dalek commanded, "Ejaculate! Ejaculate! Eja-cu-LATE!"

Doctor's penises the Dalek held its tentacles spurted at his command. The Doctor collapsed into an languid heap on the floor. Rose had already faked an orgasm and had finished shooting her scene. The Dalek that fucked the Doctor climbed back into its robotic enclosure.

"You were right, Doctor," it said. "I believe this shall be the new Dalek mission. To acquire sex slaves throughout the galaxy."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's note: Before I continue the story, there are a few things I should clear up. This story was written for light-hearted humor and nothing more. This is not erotica. Yeah, it's smutty, but I intended it to be funny, not arousing or sexy. If the story has turned you on, okay, but that was not my intention. Thanks guys!_

The Doctor sighed wearily and sat on his TARDIS's floor. He had finished dropping Rose back off at her home after the last porn shoot. Now he was alone with his thoughts and feelings. He had just let a Dalek, his archenemy, wank him off. He couldn't believe that watching Rose having sex with a Weeping Angel had filled him with such lust that he had been willing to sink to such levels of depravity. Tears ran down the Doctor's cheeks and he began to cry. He pulled out his cocks to comfort him and began to cry and masturbate.

"Doctor!" Captain Jack's voice said from the TARDIS's intercom, "Doctor!"

"Go away," the Doctor wept, "I did my bit to save the universe by shagging that Dalek, and now I feel so dirty."

"But Doctor—"

"No," the Doctor cut Captain Jack off. "Now do you understand why I haven't had sex in centuries? When I get all hot and bothered, I do things I regret like getting Rose pregnant against her will and shagging Daleks. Because I let my horniness take over me, I just turned a group of genocidal megalomaniacs into lusty monsters, ready to make the entire universe its sex slave."

"Is isn't that better?" Jack asked.

The Doctor wiped the tears from his eyes and asked, "How is that better?"

"Well," said Jack, "if the Daleks now want to make the entire universe their sex slaves, that means that they are no longer genocidal. They can't sexually enslave the universe if they kill the people through genocide first."

The Doctor stopped crying and wanking, so that he could think about what the Captain had said.

"Is that really better?" the Doctor pondered, "Is it really? I'm not that sure it is. I think most people would rather be dead than be the sex slave of a Dalek. Perhaps if we could have a survey from the public to see if a genocidal Dalek is preferable to a sex-crazed one."

"I'll have Ianto procure one," Jack said, "and while he is getting your survey, we should discuss how you're going to save the universe with your next sexual exploit."

The Doctor groaned, "How many more people do I have to fuck until there is no longer a porn deficit?"

Captain Jack said, "We're almost there. Hang in there, Doctor. Now, I was thinking, your next mission should be called 'Coats and Cocks.' It would be an orgy featuring men who wear trench coats. Besides you of course, Doctor, I was thinking your new friend Sherlock could join in. I could ask an acquaintance of mine named Castiel to participate, and I would have to join in, naturally."

The Doctor rubbed his temples and said, "I think that would be more for you than it would be for the universe's benefit."

"Ah, the survey results just came in," Jack said. "Eighty percent of people surveyed said they would rather die than be a Dalek's sex slave. Ten percent have no preference, and the other 10% of those surveyed said that they would like to be a Dalek's sex slave, with or without threats of genocide."

The Doctor moaned, "So that's it. I _have_ made things worse than before! Jack, I have to do something!"

"Calm down, Doctor," Jack said. "Fixing the porn deficit so that the seams of the space-time continuum don't continue to degrade is far more important than stopping the Daleks. If the Daleks make the inhabitants of earth or another planet their sex slaves, we can fix that later. The problem concerning Rule 34 is more immediate."

"I can't do that, Jack," the Doctor said, "I have to clean up the mess that I've caused! There must be a way to remedy the porn deficit while returning the Daleks to their prior mission."

The Doctor and Captain Jack quietly thought of ways to solve the problem. Finally, Captain Jack came up with an idea.

"The Cybermen!" Captain Jack shouted. "If you seduced the Cybermen and showed them the power of your sex, they would want to conquer the universe sexually as well. Seeing that the Daleks are their greatest competition in their quest, they would be forced to eliminate them! That would fix _both_ the porn deficit and your problem with the Daleks."

"Jack, you're a genius!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Thanks for your help. I'll call you back when I have an update."

The Doctor turned off communications, dashed to the control panel of the TARDIS, and soon he was off in space again.

Back in the Torchwood hub, Ianto was looking at Jack with a mixture of incredulous and repugnance.

Ianto shook his head and said, "Are you sure that was a good idea Jack? What if, instead of wiping out the Daleks, the Cybermen ignore the Daleks and just start conquering planets and making people their sex slaves? The Doctor will have an even bigger mess than he did before. And even if the Cybermen do succeed in wiping out the Daleks, how will the Doctor rid us of the sex crazed Cybermen?"

Captain Jack nodded his head pensively and said, "Those are all good points, Ianto, but I wouldn't worry about it. The Doctor is amazing. Using only his screwdriver, he has saved the world time and time again. Just watch and see."


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor paced in his TARDIS, while watching the monitor on the dashboard. The monitor was showing footage from earth. The news was reporting that the earth was now flooded with Daleks using their tentacles to relentlessly give people orgasms, almost driving them to the brink of insanity. The Doctor shut the monitor off and bowed his head somberly. He had reduced the earth to this. The once proud planet was filled with humans who were now slaves to the sexual whims of cephalopods from outerspace. He had to fix what he had done. He used the scanners to locate a collective of Cybermen on a distant planet.

An army of Cybermen were marching in rows. The Doctor had been observing them quietly from behind a large building. Finally, he decided to make his presence known.

"Cybermen!" the Doctor shouted to the robots, "It is I, the Doctor!"

The Cybermen looked at him and said simultaneously, "Doctoc-tah! You shall not stop our upgrading."

"I have not come to stop your upgrading," the Doctor explained. "I've come to inform you that the Daleks have an advantage over you."

"Impossible, the Cybermen are superior," they chanted.

"Not anymore, for the Daleks have modified their strategy to one of sexual conquest. They have discovered no other race can resist their sexual wiles, not even I, a Timelord."

The Cybermen gasped and raised their hands in shock. They couldn't believe that finally, at last, someone had the upper hand over the Doctor.

"You're only hope of competing against the Daleks is if you change your strategy to one of sexual conquest as well. You must give up this upgrading and stop the Daleks. There can only be one master of the universe."

"But, Doctor," the Cybermen said, "we can't compete. We are robots. We haven't any genitals."

The Doctor shrugged and said, "Well, that shouldn't be a problem. The Daleks don't have genitals either, but they were still able do to things with those tentacles of theirs that blew my mind. You must be able to do something. Here," the Doctor dropped his pants, "let's see how good you are at doing hand jobs."

"Hand jobs," the Cybermen said quizzically.

"Sure," the Doctor said, "you must have remembered those from when you were human."

One of the Cybermen stepped forward and said mechanically, "This unit was a master at giving hand jobs before it was upgraded."

The Doctor nodded, put his hands on his hips, and said, "Do your best."

The Cyberman put its hand around one of the Doctor's cocks, but before it could properly get started, the Doctor screamed.

"What are you trying to do, rip my cock of?! Not so hard!"

The Cyberman tried again but again caused the Doctor pain. He pulled his pants back up.

"This unit cannot vary the pressure as it did while it was human," the Cyberman explained. The Cybermen mumbled among themselves and contemplated retaining their mission of upgrading humans. Maybe they should just let the Daleks do their thing.

"No, wait!" the Doctor shouted, "Now, there must be something you can do. Here, download my porn database from the TARDIS. The TARDIS has the most extensive database of porn in the galaxy. I need something to keep me occupied between the time I find new companions. I'm sure you can find something you can do from there."

The Cybermen downloaded the TARDIS's porn, and began to analyze it. Finally, the robots found something that they could do:

"Fisting."

The Doctor stared at them, rather incredulously. His mouth even gaped open. Then, he slowly nodded his head.

"O—okay," he said slowly.

The army of Cybermen raised their fists simultaneously.

"Prepare your anus, Doctor!" said the chorus.

The Doctor pulled out his screwdriver and pointed it at the mob.

"You're not going to fist me," he said, as he backed toward the TARDIS.

"We can't let the Daleks have an advantage," the Cybermen said simultaneously. "If the Daleks conquered you sexually, the Cybermen must do the same."

The Cybermen did a communal fist pump.

The Doctor waved his screwdriver at the group, "If any of you move a finger toward my ass, I will fuck you the fuck up."

The Cybermen slowly lowered their fists and then relaxed their hands. The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief.

"I need you lot," he said, "to meet me at earth. The Daleks have conquered it and made the inhabitants helpless to their orgasms."

#

The Cybermen traveled to earth in their spaceship. They had arrived to find a planetary orgy. There were humans everywhere writhing naked on the ground, as Daleks, free of their metal shells, used their tentacles to tweak nipples, work clitorises, and massage prostates. The Doctor looked at the scene with consternation as humans trembled under the orgasms they gave them again and again. He turned his back to the scene and raised his hand as a signal to the Cybermen to start wiping them out.

Since the Daleks were outside of their robotic enclosures, it was easy for the Cybermen to kill them, as they had no way of defending themselves. The humans screamed in horror as they watched the Daleks die.

"Stop!" they screamed. "Stop it!"

But it was too late. The Cybermen had killed the Daleks.

"Why did you do that?!" some people shouted.

"I…saved you?" the Doctor explained, confused.

"Saved us?" one of the humans said, "That was the best time of my life!"

"I've been married for 7 years," one woman said, "and my husband has never been able to find my clitoris, but that octopus, monster, or whatever it was did!"

"Fuck you!"

"Yeah, fuck you!"

The Doctor lowered his head, dejectedly, stumbled back inside of his TARDIS, and shut the door behind him. He grabbed a bottle of lotion that was on his TARDIS's control panel and began to cry.


End file.
